Monday, April 8, 2013

The Dollar Store

My friends used to envy me because I’m kind of OCD organized. I don’t need much sleep and I don’t like to sit still – I get antsy – so I tend to accomplish alot every day. Months ago, my former next-door-neighbor (and former friend now, apparently) said I should blog about being...well, being 'me'. She told me that lots of people make money blogging and, while money was never a problem in my marriage to Barney, there are things a girl likes to keep to herself. Like Botox and vaginal rejuvenation surgery. So that's how MalibuTrophyWife came to be. I didn't make any money, incidentally, but I did get hooked on blogging. It's cheaper than therapy and I get to play with pretty backgrounds.
I was born with an incredibly-hard-to-pronounce Armenian last name, but that was Fresno, a long time ago. Whatever. Let’s just say that now I’m your typical kicked-to-the-curb, pushing forty, high-maintenance blond almost-actress who gambled and lost.

Barney. God, what an asshole. While I was floating on the pink-cloud of our upcoming wedding, he slid the pre-nup in like a cocaine-coated suppository. I didn’t even feel it. I had no idea what I was signing, and frankly, I didn’t really give a shit. I actually loved Barney, almost completely, and he seemed to love me. More with the pathetic. If a woman can be a schmuck, then color me schmuck.

Ok, enough with kevetching about the past for today. This post is about the dollar store. Believe it or not, I stepped my last-season's-Prada-clad foot into a dollar store (actually a 99-cent store) for the first time this week.
OMG! I mean, seriously! You can get anything there! From avocados to ashtrays, hammers to houseplants, flip-flops to food! Good thing too, because I was down to $12.87. I got my alimony yesterday, so I'm not going to starve for awhile, but earlier this week it was pretty grim. The fridge had nothing but a half-full carton of cottage cheese, a tomato, the very last of my precious La Prarie Anti-Aging Stress Cream, and a small chunk of turkey. The state of the freezer was even worse - empty, save a few ice cubes and a lone bottle of Stoli. So, in desperation, I decided to explore the dollar store a few blocks from my apartment. Quelle surprise! After roaming the aisles in abject fascination for awhile, I decided on a box of maccaroni-and-white-cheese-sauce (the good kind that's already made up, not the powder stuff), a bag of garlic, and a bunch of asparagus.

At home, I stir-fried the tomato and a couple cloves of garlic with the asparagus, cut into bite-sized chunks. I made up the mac-and-cheese and folded in the cottage cheese and turkey, cubed up, then topped the whole mess with the stir-fried veggies. Voila! Several relatively balanced meals for three bucks and some random refrigerator leavings. I really think I'm getting the hang of leftovers.

Recipes and Household Tips for the Recently Impoverished - Tip # 2
The dollar store. 'Nuf said.


  1. You elitist bitch. Try feeding 3kids on no alimony and no child support and just what the state gives you. There aren't any fricken leftovers and the 99cent store costs too much. Jeeze!

  2. Hum. Well, from where I'm sitting, it looks like 'impoverished' breeders have a ton of resources like Section 8 housing, free medical care, food banks, government grants for higher education, WIC programs, First Five, Head Start, and the holy grail of entitlements, a monthly welfare check dumped conveniently into your bank account. Single adults without kids - people like me - who have a small income but not enough to live on - get zilch. So quit crying and call your social worker for some ideas. Or maybe, like me, you can start looking for a job. Just a suggestion.