Thursday, May 16, 2013

Nip and Tuck...STAT!! I don't even know where to start. Ok, so I went out for coffee with Larry, the UPS driver. He was so sweet. We talked about how much we both love animals, working out, and skating along the strand. He's also from the Central Valley so we had similar childhoods in common too. Things were going along just swimmingly for about twenty minutes then, out of the blue, he asks me about my skincare regime.

Skin care regime? Really? The guy whips out his business card and a sample of a wrinkle cream he's selling via some cheesy MLM scheme...scam, whatever. He started blathering on about peri-menopausal skin care. "You know, as women age you really need to protect against the effects of reduced hormone production. Especially you blondes." He actually used the term 'peri-menopausal'. I'm thirty-six, not forty-six! I didn't know whether to slug him or sink throught the floor. I was actually speechless. I grabbed my keys, jumped up out of the chair, and left him sitting there with his big, dumb mouth hanging open. Before he could even say a word I'd hit the door and was sprinting for home. At least I was smart enough not to tell him where I live!

Wrinkle cream. I want to cry. I miss Nadia (my cosmetic surgeon) so much I can barely stand it. She's wonderful and we were just about to do another fractal laser treatment when Barney kicked me to the curb. Two grand for beauty treaments used to be nothing - chump change. Now it's miles beyond my reach.

I've got to get a real job. The canvassing continues but it's getting old quick. People are so rude! I've been holding on to one last piece of jewelry, sort of as an insurance policy. It's a beautiful old pin - they used to call it a 'brooch' - that my great aunt left me. It's in a stylized flower shape, made of three colors of gold, and has a large aquamarine in the center. I think it was made in the 1920's. My good angel keeps telling me to leave it in the safe deposit box for a rainy day. My bad angel says "It's raining cats and dogs, girl! Go ahead, cash that sucker in! It will just about pay for the fractal treatments. Think about how good you skin will look! So creamy, so flawless! It's an investment, really. You can lie about your age and pass for 25...27, tops!"

I need chocolate.

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