The day after Mark and Kurt staged their little intervention, I got up early, showered, shampooed, and set about pulling my life together. Kurt's comment about reiventing myself kept rattling around in my head. I tried to tell myself that this tragedy was really an opportunity slough off the old, center my chi, and discover my true focus. I talked a good game but I wasn't really buying it yet.
You don't understand, until you've lost everything but the clothes on your back, exactly what that means. I didn't even have a bra! I'd been wearing panties under my pj bottoms, thank god, or I would have had to sneak a pair of the boy's boxers because I won't go out into the world without underwear. No. Ick! Not going to happen. Even still, I did have to borrow Mark's robe while I washed my few pitiful garments.
When my clothes were dry I reached for the pretty pink sweats but decided on the levi's-and-Bijan combo instead. I felt safer in it, like a disguise I suppose. I scraped my hair into a ponytail, jammed my feet into the new flip flops, and set out in Kurt's Toyota to do some serious hunting and gathering.
First stop, Dollar Tree for sunglasses, fingernail polish remover, cotton balls, toothpaste, comb, blah, blah, blah. At CVS I found a few good-quality cosmetics including a beautiful true-red Milani lipstick and nail varnish to match. Matchy-matchy usually isn't my thing but I thought it would be interesting with what I had on, my Alia, and even the Juicy outfit - red and pink together always reminds me of Valentine's Day. I picked up a knockoff of the Naked Basics pallet for my eyes, a set of Ardell demi-wispy lashes, some Volumnious mascara, a set of Eco-tools makeup brushes, a nice BB cream by L'Oreal, blush, bronzer, and moisturizer. This, plus a few more essentials, knocked an $87 hole in my VISA card.
After that, it was off to Target for some undies, decent casual shoes, and a handbag. The undies were easy. I just grabbed a few lacy pink things on sale and a molded-cup nude bra. For shoes, I settled on a minimal-strap, toe-ring flat thong sandal by 'Sam and Libby' in a beautiful rose gold color. They would work with the tracksuit, the jeans, and the Alia for a dressed-down day look. I also found some slip-on 'Converse' low-tops in cream canvas with pink roses printed on them. The whole experience made me feel like Julia Roberts in 'Pretty Woman'. Except that my benefactors weren't sleeping with me and I only had enough to cover one-quarter the original retail cost of my burned-up handbag. Speaking of which, I found a cute messenger bag in olive canvas with these awesome little crocheted and bead-detailed flowers appliqued on it. It doubled as a laptop case.
After all the shopping I had $3.76 left on the card, which I got in cash at Target. Alimony was still a week away. I'd called Barney to tell him what happened and see if he would cut my check early but he and the bimbo were on vacation again - in Fiji this time - and couldn't be reached.
After taking my stash home, I plugged in the laptop's charger and lay down for a nap. The next day I planned to take my three-bucks-and-change to the nearest Starbucks and blog about my adventures before hitting the pavement in search of gainful employment.
We can file what happened next under 'Be Careful What You Wish For'.